The Dive

Little wading pools.
Charming speckles of sand dance along the bottom of the shore and are welcome cushions to her feet as she bathes in the sun. The turquoise glimmer of the water kisses the clear blue sky and the rhythmical lapping of easy waves beats against a nearby rock.
Bliss.
Peace.
A breeze ribbons through her hair. A deep breath of it warms her nostrils and escapes as a hummed sigh.

Little waiting pools.

Suddenly, there is a dock. Hard, weathered wood pricks splinters into her soles. The breeze is gone now, ushered out with the sun by gusty clouds in navy coats. Her hair blindfolds her eyes.

Looking back, her little pool is gone. She can't walk ahead with her neck twisted so. The edge of the dock is stretched far, her toes pointing to an edge that her gaze can't meet.

The air chills as she walks.
Creaking wood is the melody now, her steps are slow but her heart is racing. There is no railing to cling to, solely the thin material of her dress as the wind whips it around her waist.

Pressing on.

The shore becomes distant as the sky ever darkens. White-capped waves line the path and her mind toys with fear...but the Spirit whispers, Faith.

A few more strides and she reaches the rim.
She bites her lip.
She holds her breath.

.....

The water is cold and blankets her bones, yet the dock is done and she swims ahead. Where she is going, she can't yet tell. Destination is as uncertain as is distance to the ocean floor.

Pressing on.

perspective

“At this very moment, you are building the house that you will live in forever.”

-Monsignor Dennis Clark, as quoted in Relevant magazine

Conversations with a caterpillar

How would it go? What would you say? Is there any way you could possibly communicate to a fat little slug of a creature that has spent its entire existence permanently attached to some fixture of nature (be it leaf, tree or soil) that it is, in fact, destined for greatness? That it will sprout majestic wings of color and soar over what it once was bound to? That after a season of immobility, shedding of skin and patient waiting...it will rebirth into newness of life?

What do you think would be the caterpillar's response?

"Impossible." "I'm afraid of heights." "I'm happy with my leaf." "You're crazy." "A bird flies. I don't look like a bird."

I'm sure you can guess where I am going. Is this not nature illustrating clearly what the Lord has spoken to us? We tell Him we know who we are, He tells us our identity is hidden in Him. We tell Him we're bound, He tells us He will set us free. We tell Him our fears, He tells us we'll rise above them with His strength. We tell Him we have spent our whole existence with one experience, He tells us our minds cannot conceive what He has for those who love Him.

This is what I am experiencing.

In more ways than one, but for now I will just address the most obvious: The Lord has called me to become a wife. He has painted a picture through His Word of what that looks like, and I say back, "God, you must be joking. I can't do that. You're crazy."

I am selfish. I have fears. I want to control everything and have everything the way I want it. I don't want to be vulnerable, I want to be served. I want life to be the expectation I imagine it to be. I want to pretend I am blind to my own pride, faults and that I know myself best.

But in such a beautiful depiction of becoming the ultimate Bride, the Lord has been sweetly reminding me that when I walk down the aisle, He will be what adorns me with greatness. He gives me a vision only to remind me of His capability, His beauty, and His miraculous grace that will enable me to fulfill it.

It is no accident that nature provides such an obvious display of the spiritual work inside us. We cry out to Him for signs and wonders, but do we ever stop and really notice the wonder of what He has already given us? The natural world we live in with its stories of life and death, creation and redemption, growth and metamorphosis? Where does that come from? Creation is not created without a purpose. Do we really believe that we are immune to the Lord taking us through the same natural processes in our lives with Him?

Lord, I am a caterpillar. Familiar and accustomed to my way of life, however far off it may be from what You have waiting for me. I don't believe it exists, but I believe You know better than I. Make me new. Immobilize me so You can work. and thank you for Your peace in the process. Amen.

I get weekly e-articles from a website called Revol and 9/10 times I usually skim them, if I even get as far as opening one of them. I might have even tried stopping my subscription once or twice, but nonetheless they keep appearing in my inbox. Well today, I opened one of them. I read it. And I was blessed. Hope you will be too:

The Beginning and End of Work.

“Work isn’t to make money; you work to justify life.” -- Marc Chagall

In the beginning, Adam and Eve chose not to believe. Our lives have been toil since. But not just in the physical and material realm.

Our fall in the Garden of Eden incurred the curse of work. The earth resists us, and we labor for enough food to eat today. Tomorrow the cycle recycles and we begin it again.

No day arrives when we say, “I have done enough. My work is finished.”

We always need more.

Work’s struggle appeared to fall on men alone in the Eden curses, while women’s lives demanded another kind of work: pain in childbirth and a male world order. Today, many women seek freedom in competition with those men in multiple arenas. The curse compounds.

Since the morning of time, we’ve worked. Doing so remains necessary. Yet Jesus unveiled the true nature of God’s work. He told us that belief is God’s great task for humanity. Because God has said he loves us, and that he meets our needs, we alone are not responsible for them. Believing this involves work from the very outset.

God told Adam and Eve that if they didn’t listen to him, they’d perish. They did, and we do. Through toil and the lie that we alone care for ourselves, we die every day. The struggle and isolation steal our life; we need his words as daily sustenance because we need his friendship, his company.

“Work to believe,” Jesus says. “Work to believe that God cares, speaks, and listens. You’ve worked mistakenly far too long, believing you’re alone. Come back to your original purpose, and walk with God once more. Believe him and in me, that we’re here and that we love you.”

A curse exists. It is toil, sweat and death. And all of them separate us from our maker. Oftentimes, we feel we know little else than this curse. Yet on a hill called Calvary, Jesus bore our curse that we might walk away from it.

The curse still tells us that we’ll work through sweat to eat bread from the ground. We’ll then die. Jesus tells us that he is the bread we really need. But he offers a bread we cannot slice and butter, he offers a nourishment for something more eternal than our bodies. When we believe this and seek nourishment in him and his presence, we’ll begin to live. We’ll leave behind the fears that drive us to care for ourselves all our days.

He tells us to believe in him, to believe this. No wonder he calls it the work of God.

What is your idea of God’s work?
Have you come to a place of believing that feels like labor?
What does believing look like from Jesus’ point of view?
©2006 revol

Unraveling

Lately I've been feeling like my life has been unraveling.

Pause. Don't worry, this post isn't a silent cry of depression-- it ends well, I promise!

Resume.

You know the feeling when you have a knitted sweater (or shirt from Forever 21) and you get a snag in the fabric, so you decide to simply pull that little string and hope for a clean break? You know the feeling when instead, you pull the string and it keeps going, going, and going? Well, I feel like the latter in regard to my life right now.

It all started when I decided to give up my medical school seat and stay in LA to reapply. All fine and dandy to have a decision made, no immediate tears and fears of a goodbye, and the peace that I was right where I should be. Yet, pulling that string was not as clean of a break for me as I originally thought. Slowly, slowly I am starting to discover I don't have a firm grasp on my life's direction anymore, like planning for medical school has always afforded me. Don't get me wrong, see, I am still very confident I was to pull that string of letting the Ohio spot go, much in the same way you don't regret leaving that snag on your shirt because it doesn't look right. No, I'm not sitting here thinking I've made a mistake or that I've let my one shot at happiness fly away at the sending of an e-mail. Rather, I'm sitting here wondering if when I pulled that string, the Lord was doing more in me than just snipping off some loose ends.

Maybe instead of fixing something that has already been made, He is unraveling something to be used in making something new. Sure it might seem counterproductive, a waste of time, or tedious, but what is the clay to talk back to the Potter? I've been considering a lot of things lately: things about life, things about love, things about age and time. And what have I come to? ALL of those things are precious and meant to be cherished. And the best way to preserve and protect something? Commit it to the kingdom that will neither rust nor fade. It's been difficult not to look at my life these past few weeks and worry about whether or not it will amount to anything in the eyes of the world. Will I make enough money to be considered successful? Will I tap into all my talents and reach my greatest potential? Will I correctly choose the right opportunities so I never look back and feel the pangs of regret? When I let these questions worry my heart, I let myself get tangled with what is unraveling. I rush ahead and get stuck in the mess of yarn that hasn't been fully undone and prepared for the next thing yet.

Why do I do this? Because I haven't seen the plans for the next project. I don't believe that there is something better to come, or that it will turn out greater than what I thought the plans were. I don't believe that the Great Tailor of my life knows what He's doing, what size I am, what colors I like, or what fabric to choose.

So what am I left with? Luckily, I have previous samples of His work in my life to reference and draw confidence from. When I stop trying to maneuver my way and account for all the threads that are unraveling, they immediately lessen their grip around my neck. When I slowly shift my focus from how little of that old sweater remains to how much of a wardrobe He has already made for me, the threads fall by my feet and I am free to try on and remember the countless times He has turned my mourning into gladness, my ashes into beauty, and my fears into faith.

When I allow my heart to be captivated by the Maker of All Things New, I find myself in its truest and purest state: that of praise and worship. That is where I am most successful, at my highest potential and feel not even the slightest twinge of shame. I know that the Lord is doing something with this unexpected season of my life, and I know that a day will come when I see the fruit of being disciplined and faithful to Him through the thick of it. Though I still have a hunger for medicine, I have a ravenous appetite for the Lord and He promises not to disappoint. Perhaps this is a season to learn even more about the dreams, passions, talents and desires that I have. Perhaps medicine was only an appetizer, prepping my palate for a main course that will satisfy even more when the Lord serves it rather than simply making something quick for myself.

All I know is that I'm trying to get lost in the pages of the Lord's catalog- gazing, remembering, delighting in all the past creations He has made for me. He has done His best work when I've given Him free reign of the materials in my life, for only then is He free (not that I keep Him bound) to work uninterrupted by my grubby little hands (or long, freakishly cold fingers...) unraveling, weaving, stitching things together in a way that fits me so perfectly, I won't even remember what I was wearing before.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man.
[Ecc. 3:11-12]

Jojoba Oil: Goddess Juice?

Okay, so it's about time I introduce another new found natural love of mine: jojoba oil.

Thank you Lord! For creating something so versatile, beneficial and...cheap! That is, cheap compared to what is stocked in the aisles and aisles of skincare products that are the results of millions upon millions of capitalistic, chemically-packed, brand-name products currently marketed today. (..too harsh?)

For about $8-20, depending on where you go, you can buy a bottle of this lovely little wax (I say wax because that is what jojoba oil truly is, a liquid wax vs a normal, triglyceride fat) and put an end to countless skincare issues that plague the modern goddess every day.


Hearing of jojoba oil's unique characteristics and inherent health brownie points, I decided to give this oil a try as part of my normal skin care regime. After recently achieving-- dare I jinx myself-- perhaps some of the clearest skin in my life (largely in part to a sweet Russian facial lady, her Dead Sea salt "magic lotion" and realizing my overly-dry skin was contributing to my breakouts) I've been meticulous about making sure my skin constantly stays moisturized. This might sound like a fairly simple, almost skippable step to good skincare, but don't let it fool you. Having a well-moisturized visage is perhaps one of the easiest ways to achieve an overall radiant, flawless complexion.

And here is why jojoba oil takes the cake for this reason alone, among many others...

• Jojoba oil, due to it's liquid wax nature, is the closest vegetable oil to human sebum (skin oil) so it is able to balance your body's production of oil regardless if you have oily, combo, or dry skin. If you have oily, it will be absorbed in the pores of your skin (instead of clog) and tell your body to stop over-producing that oil. If you have dry skin, it will provide the extra moisture your skin has been lacking.


• Antibacterial properties. Jojoba oil can reduce skin inflammation and kill various bacterial strains on the skin.
  


• Full of Vitamin E and antioxidants, smoothing just 3 or 4 drops of jojoba oil all over your face at night (or all over your body after a shower) will help firm skin, prevent wrinkles, and provide an AMAZING glow when you wake in the morning...beauty rest indeed!
  


• Jojoba oil also acts as a wonderful, natural conditioner and shine booster for your hair. You can either use it in the shower and rinse out after shampooing, or use after heat-styling to tame frizzies. This is so much simpler than spending $20+ on tiny bottles of who-knows-what you get at hair salons and beauty boutiques. (and many of those products contain jojoba oil anyway!)


• Make-up remover. Jojoba oil serves as a great eye and lip makeup remover as well, and, due to it's moisturizing properties will actually condition your eyelashes naturally as it strips away the mascara, eyeshadow and eyeliner.

Well there you have it. Just a few reasons why I wanted to give a shout-out to my shiny new beauty staple, jojoba oil. You can find it at any natural foods store (WHOLE FOODS), well-stocked beauty supply store (WHOLE FOODS), or perhaps even an upscale grocery store (WHOLE FOODS). Like I said, I got a 16oz bottle of Desert Essence* 100% organic jojoba oil for $7.99 at Whole Foods.

And Marilyn said diamonds were a girl's best friend....hmm...

yet again

Annoying paparazzi snapped another picture of me as I was getting my daily Starbucks on the way to work.

Do Choose Which Who

Who makes you feel burdened?
Who makes you feel incapable?
Who makes you feel defeated?
Who makes you feel weak?
Who makes you feel generic?
Who makes you feel confused?
Who makes you feel afraid?
Who makes you feel small?
Who makes you feel ashamed?
Who makes you feel regretful?
Who makes you feel unnoticed?
Who makes you feel annoying?
Who makes you feel dumb?
Who makes you feel like a failure?



but now




Who has made you pure?
Who has made you worthy?
Who has made you RIGHTEOUS?
Who has made you beautiful?
Who has made you u n i q u e?
Who has made you a treasure?
Who has made you skillful?
Who has made you purposeful?
Who has made you faithful?
Who has made you free?
Who has made you blessed?
Who has made you courageous?
Who has made you beloved?
Who has made you new?

Who has made you His?

Edible Joy

(Suri Cruise, pictured here with a cupcake. This only further exemplifies how eerily she resembles me as a child. And perhaps as an adult.)

Honest to Goodness....Goodness.



How can one go wrong with bite-sized cake? Especially when they are mini-works of art. A dream of mine would be to one day open a cupcake eatery, where I could create all day... and eat all night.

This would, of course, have to be by the beach so during the early morning hours I could surf away all the cupcakes that had taken up residency on my hips. (Oh, you doubt...but I tell ya, give me an all-access pass to cupcakes 24/7....there would be a brand new, double-wide Ziza on the loose.)

There have been times when I think we do not desire heaven;
but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart
of hearts, we have ever desired anything else. . . . It is the secret
signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable
want, the thing we desired before we met our wives or made our
friends or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our
deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friend or
work. . . . All your life an unattainable ecstasy has hovered just
beyond the grasp of your consciousness. The day is coming
when you will wake to find, beyond all hope, that you have
attained it.

C . S . L E W I S
The Problem of Pain